I Need To Learn How To Sleep, And Not Spend Half The Night Coming Up With This

If you live in my part of the country (North East/ Massachusetts) then you know that it has been unusually hot for the past few days.
Unless you live in New Hampshire, because then you had a blizzard not to long ago.
I pity you.
Anywho, last night, it was very hot.
Very very hot.
So hot that Mother Nature went "Whew, it's hot. Hey, God, let's go swimming!"
That's how hot it was.
I had been watching TV all day in my basement - I'm a lazy butt and I know it, so relax. - and I was having trouble falling asleep, as the title says.
So, TV.
It's glorious.
There are the shows you watch because they make you sing (Glee); the shows you watch because they make you think (Lost. Now this one is tough. It makes you think TOO MUCH!!!!! You need a freaking notebook to take notes while you watch that show to understand it!); shows about really old aliens in blue boxes (DOCTOR WHO!!!! I had to sneak it in here. Sorry!); shows that make you laugh (Modern Family); and shows that make you want to slit your wrists (Hannah Montana).
And then there are the shows that you watch because they are addicting.
These are called soap operas.
I will have to say that I actually do watch Soap Net.
Yes, cultured me!
I watch soap operas.
Whatever.
So TV.
It's got jump cuts.
People sing songs.
And most every person who watches it wishes that whatever is happening on that TV show would happen to them.
Well.
Unless it's Lost.
That show is a 'Lost' cause.
HA HA, I made a funny.
Anyway, so last night in my half-delusional, sleep-deprived, heat-induced stupor, I had this thought-
And yes, it took me this long to get to it-
If people lives were like TV, it would be kind of awesome, but kind of horrible.
Your life would be full of jump cuts, number one.
Can you imagine being able to jump cut your life?
It would be like that movie Click, with Adam Sandler.
You would bypass all the horrible, suckish stuff.
But that bypassing leads to bad things.
In conclusion, life should not be jump cutted.
That was atrocious grammar.
Number two, you would never get sick. It's funny to me that these people on TV get shot and hit by cars and poisoned and who knows what else, but they never seem to manage to catch the common cold.
Miraculous.
Now, I'm cold-prone, so never being sick would be wonderful.
But still. It's just not natural.
And finally number three.
And this one I wouldn't mind getting cut out of my life for good.
Awkward elevator conversation.